Random crap

I'm sitting in the recording studio waiting for the guys to finish their tracks. It's cold, It's boring, It's a hard chair that makes my butt feel like I'm sitting on nails. But on the upside, I'm not recording!! I can sing.. just not well. I can play multiple instruments, just not so you can tell what instrument it is! It amazes me that my boy, my nephew and my sons from another mom can make the  music that they do. Oh, I don't doubt their talent! Of course, they are perfection!! But taking a thought, transcribing it to words, adding music, 4 different kinds of music.. and making it sound amazing are truly a mystery to me! Cooking is similar.. but I can do that!! My job with them is to feed them, drive them, make sure they show up on time, coordinate their schedules, find them gigs, motivate them and market them. I've got it easy! I am a linear person. I like things that go from point A to point B.. that have a logical conclusion and that give you a sense of completion at the end. I guess Freud would say I have a need for instant gratification and validation.  Freud-dude is right! I like that. We work well together.. cause the guys couldn't show up on time to their own funeral... which has, at times, been scheduled when i'm really pissed at them!! Plus they don't like self promotion. I don't either, but since I'm promoting THEM... all is good. They are adults now.. my brain just refuses to acknowledge that, and we're all good with it. I get to spoil them, they get to get spoiled! Funny thing is.. other artists are starting to recognize that i'm "MOM" and at shows come up to me for water, band-aids, stationary.. etc. So until I can get a puppy to shower all my middle-aged hormonal maternal instincts on... I'll shower the huge heavy metal rockers that have invaded my heart.

Point of this post... I want a puppy!

Silly Me!!

In reference to my last post, where I was not looking forward to a 90th birthday party, I forgot one important thing... WE ALL DRINK!!   Even my 90 year old aunt was pounding them back!! The party was so much fun!  We scared the other people away (you know, the dusty ones!) early in the evening and had the whole shuffle boarded-fake flower adorned rec center all to ourselves! Catching up with everyone was amazing, and I forgot how much I love my family. Events over the last two years, involving a very scandalous relationship, had estranged me from a lot of my family. No longer!! (well.. still the other side of the family. They're cowardly, lying, dickless assholes!.. but I digress..)  I came home and in my drunken stupor promptly told the "not it" cowards to SUCK IT!! We had fun!!

Now, unfortunately, it's back to regular life. No holildays, no parties.. But this year, I am determined to make parties wherever I go!! Last year, between February and May, I lost my job, ended said scandalous relationship (after lies, manipulation and cheating on his part, and we'd been inseparable for 40 years), I fought for 2 months but lost my puppy to cancer, lost all my money fighting said cancer, had surgery on a growth in my neck,  and lost my best friend (she was my other half since we were 12). I couldn't control any of that, but I learned I can control my reactions and my will.  So in light of the losses last year.. I will use the good china (we have good china??) I will burn the scented candles (carefully, on a plate.. i'm scared of fire) I will dance in the rain (or imagine doing that.. i hate being cold) and I will sing loudly!! (that one I will do.. cause it's fun, and it pisses everyone off) My circumstances suck. I'm on the verge of being bankrupt, my health is iffy right now... but to dwell on that has bad consequences. Instead I will dwell on the sunshine, the sound of laughter, the feel of clean sheets on a freshly washed body (no matter what that body looks like!) I will embrace my self, embrace my family for the good things and absolutely cherish every single friend I have. Last year tried to do me in.. NOT THIS YEAR!!  Join me in solidarity to flip the bird at bad Juju!! Moon the negative!! Fart in the general direction of bad circumstances!! We will unite in SMILES!!!

Old people dust

Tomorrow I am to attend the 90th birthday of a relative. By myself. Cause the rest of the house called "not it" before me, damn them. I love my aunt, and overall my family is cool.. but it's being held in a retirement village... so.. old people dust.  You know.. the dry, papery smell of rose or lavender.. the sandpaper and chalk sound of rustling ... stuff.  I shudder just thinking about it! The bad lipstick, aqua-net and scotch mint candies with the overall smell of Ben-Gay and mothballs, the rattling of cheap costume jewelery. Pretending to know who the hell is hugging me, and calling me by my sisters name. I have to be SOCIABLE!?! Talk about the weather, the game (?? baseball? football?.. the superworldseriesofhockymonton) pretend I know who Jennie is and that she had a baby.  And the worst of all... it will be me in far fewer years than I want to acknowledge! And my hemroids are acting up.

I think I'll start drinking now.....

Frikkin Freezing Mr. Bagelsworth!

So I'm cold. (and yes it's Mr. Bigglesworth! but i'm also hungry!) When I'm cold, I move like one of those adorable sloths you see on the intertubes! Only not adorable... and I can't grow fingernails like that so save my soul (athough I was born a ginger, so the soul thing is a moot point anyways!) Last night I had someone help me put my hair in a ponytail... it's still in a ponytail.. My fingers won't grip hard enought to get it out! I think i'll just leave it there, and sleep ever so gently on a soft pillow of satin, like Sleeping Beauty.. which in no way resembles my usual way of sleeping, which is drooling and snoring into my pillow made of... well drool and snore stained fluffy shit, like Shrek!  I also did some activities I shouldn't have last night (no not naughty.. THAT happens so rarely I'd shout it from the rooftops!) Which made my hand swell up like a puffy, flesh toned (and hairy knuckled) ski mitten.  Oooh baby!

The cold is not kind to my oh so sexy womanly wiles! I walk in a lurching kind of swaying step, cause my knees don't want to bend, my hands are outstretched to keep them from swelling, I moan a bit with each step cause it hurts.. Holy shit I'm Frankenstein!! That would go a long way toward explaining the bolts in my neck. I never quite believed Mom when she said they were fashion! And my fashion sense does tend to stray towards the undead, and second hand store! My outfit is comprised of used clothing from at least 4 people.. why not my body!!

So in conclusion.. I'm cold... and Frankenstein.

I don't THINK i'm a bitch!

I have a horrible habit of writing something, then deleting it in a passive aggressive way. Although I realize that an anonymous blog is just as passive aggressive... I have learned that some things are too funny/serious/frustrating/annoying to keep in without going nutso cuckoo.. and some things are not worth confrontations. so blogging it is! But the erasing thing.. I promised myself I would not do!! BUTTTTT (tee hee.. ass) I think I sounded bitchy in the last post (tee hee, I typed butchy.. we'll get into my issues with being a "lady" later!)

The holidays were not awful!! Oh holy schnikies, did we laugh!! No less then three spit takes, a hoark in a hat, a broken chair.. and some classic "Carlton" dancing! I think I almost peed from laughing (that's my story, and I'm sticking to it).

In closing, ladies and gentlemen.. (tee hee.. ladies and germs) I am not (always) a bitch. I am (sometimes) quite a happy and content person (troglodyte). I love and cherish (and plot horrible torture scenes for) my family, and am thankful (and frustrated) everyday to have them in my life (and not my anus).