Staycation
Alternate title - How I did dick all for 7 days.

Well, It's Saturday. I go back to work in 2 days. I did diddly squat on my vacation. Slept, puttered, slept. Was plagued with a headache for the past few days. Thinking either 1) my eyes -  I need new glasses, 2) My sinuses - the golden rod is in full bloom or 3) The stress I've been under is coming out, and I should really have another week off to allow for healing. Unfortunately, I think all may be a factor, and i can't take another week off!  Today I will try to cram in all the things I wanted to do, which wasn't really much. Clean out the front hall closet and get rid of all the shoes I can no longer wear, because I fall off of heels and bring all my canning upstairs so it may actually get used. The second one is the big job, as my laundry room is in full tetris mode, so to get from the canning, is an hour's worth of moving shit to get to the other shit to move. What i DID do, was clean and organize some things in my room, go to St. Jacobs market, set up my coffee maker again (joy!) and rest. I can't dismiss the importance of resting, because although people around me don't feel that I need it, when I don't rest enough, I feel it, I hurt, I damage things and I drag my health down. So fuck what others say, i'm resting!
This is a rambling post, man! But it's my blog, and i can do what I like! Right now, what i'd like... is another coffee!

Again, i’ve fallen off the wagon.

Both in keeping this updated and being a positive example of fabulousness! Life is a journey and I NEED to enjoy the scenery, instead of  just enduring the smelly bus ride! Right now it’s pretty low. I’ve been lower. Jan 28 - May 27, 2011 comes to mind. But the fact that i’m out of Rheumatoid Disease medication that I can’t afford and am losing mobility because of it, have $415 in car repairs to bring my car close to safe and a $340 phone bill I need to pay within 2 weeks… has got me down. 

But I am desperately trying to find the positives.. The wonder.. The joys that make this journey mean something significant. 

Wow, that was deep. I’ll blame the rum. HEY! Rum is a good thing!! I can be happy about rum!  I spilled mandarin orange essential oil.. and now I smell lovely.. that’s another! Yay!! I am doing it!  I’m being positive! I didn't stab anyone!! Hey, I’m on a roll! I’m employed!.. wait.. that is a double edged sword. I make barely enough to make ends meet.. but i do make more than nothing.. and the hours are long.. averaging 12 hours a day.. but I get weekends off..so I’ll consider that one an even scale! 

Should I take up meditating? yoga? (yikes, not until I get more meds), tantric sex (It's not so tantric when I'm alone!) serial killing? - Nah,  I’m not neat enough to hide the evidence, and I don’t truly hate anyone enough for that hobby to last more than a week or three (maybe four). I think I just need to start small. Like the story, “The Magic Geranium” (google it) It’s a story I read as a youngster that has always stuck with me.. well that, and “My name is Simon and I am a Duck” but that one doesn't have the same positive effect, and my knees hurt from waddling around whilst quacking.

My journey may have more hills than make me comfortable, and I feel like I spend most of my time stranded on the side of the road…  but it’s MY journey to do with what I will.  Right now I want to love myself (hard for me to do), I want to be proud of my body (NOW, not after I lose weight, cut my hair, etc). I want to be content with my journey, and be able to sight see and dance.
One step at a time

Ups and Downs (subtitle, bowling isn't my thing)

Last night was the first time bowling since before the holidays. Two weeks closed, a prior engagement and the flu all kept me away from the bowling alley (or as i like to call it, the beerling alley) the return was triumphant!! Fantabulous!! Stupendous.... Ok, i'm lying. I sucked big weenies last night! And proceeded to pull a muscle and set off a RA flare. So today, i'm at work, huddled in a sweater, dosed with biofreeze and pain meds, trying to stay awake. Also trying to comfort Boy, who is having an awful week, and being buffeted by life on three sides. Have you ever wanted to pick up your kid (who is 6'2") and just spirit them away to paradise where nothing can hurt them? I can't.. But doesn't mean the urge is there. Fuck the "all part of life" crap. Someone hurt him, and i wanna take then down!! Going to try to make him come out this weekend, boys lunch. Show him that he's hurting, but never alone. .... Then i'll take names and kick butt... In my mind.

Two days in a row!

Canada may have lower cost medications.. but they are still damn expensive! Mama needs her Prozac! Just kidding... If i had Prozac . I wouldn't need this blog! I have Rheumatoid Disease. Basically my immune system is eating anywhere there is synovial fluid. Every joint, my lungs, heart, liver, brain.. you name it. The drugs to treat it are extremely expensive and have lovely side effects like explosive, involuntary diarrhea. And I have bronchitis. The Dr gave me inhalers, and an antibiotic that states it is for the treatment of Anthrax and Plague.  So to recap... involuntary diarrhea and a bad cough. The Pharma companies are douches!

I watched Pitch Perfect yesterday. Loved it.. but I realized that I'm like Fat Amy (spoiler alert... Fat Patricia!)  I put my faults out there so they can't be used against me. It's a HUGE defense mechanism.  Haven't decided if that is good... or a precursor to Prozac!

Cough.. diarrhea..Fat Amy... just another day in paradise!

Procrastinate much!?

OK, So it's been almost a year since I posted. Since no one reads my blog.. I know ya missed me! :-) What A year. I still can't seem to catch a break, but am trying. Two steps forward and five back at times. Trying to get my finances in order so I can start to plan my budgets instead of always reacting to my budgets. Trying to control my health so I can live and work and play without naps every hour, or pain. Trying to control my emotions so that I can live in harmony. Can't say I'm succeeding at any of it.. but trying! I am working full time again. which is a ying yang situation. On the plus side, I can't afford not to work so it's not an option not to.. On the negative side, at the end of the day, there is no energy left for me, or my family, or a social life.. if I had one.
My last date, I didn't know was a date. Went for a glass of wine with a friend. Truly a friend, have known him for 30 years. Apparently it was a seduction.  If I'd have known that, I would have showered, and shaved my legs, and put on deodorant. Scary! Sadly, that was well over a year ago.. I guess I have to go out and speak to people  in order to date. Not sure it's worth having to talk and be normal! I know! I need to invent a crazy recluse dating site! For, you know... crazy recluses!  We'd have social gatherings.. by webcam.. and make dates... online... and even meet.. at comicon!
Sometimes I think, I'm too old to date, I'm not beautiful, I'm not perfect. On the last date-that-I-didn"t-know-was-a-date, the guy asked me what I do to make guys cheat on me. That made me realize that maybe honesty, fidelity and actually TALKING are too old fashioned in the world of dating today.  Guys my age want 20 year olds, guys older than me... want 20 year olds.  At a stretch, they want 40 year olds who LOOK like 20 year olds.  All I want is someone who wants to be with me, isn't afraid to say it, and treats me like he actually cares. That seems to be too much to ask... I'll wait until this year's comicon!