Lonely Hearts Club

I'm lonely. My heart got stepped on (or ripped out and ground into the dirt) and I tell myself that i'm gun shy.. but the truth is.. no one is interested. I'm the girl guys go to for advice and help to get the girl they really want. I'm the girl they have sex with in the dark, but won't be seen in public with. I'm the girl who gets to watch everyone else have someone who shares their life. I'm the girl in the corner alone.

I want someone to share my life, such as it is. I want someone in my corner, who I know will stand beside me, proclaiming to the world that he has my back. Someone who loves me, flaws and all. Someone who will let me be in their corner, have their back and love them, flaws and all.

I have baggage. Trust issues, health issues, logistical issues... and I can only imagine I am very hard to live with, considering no one has been able to stand me for more than a few years before running screaming away. Actually, I wish they would run screaming away, instead of lying and cheating until I find out and leave. I wish I had someone strong enough to be honest with me about why I'm unlovable, instead of just not saying anything and hoping i'll get the hint and go away.

I looked into online dating sites. There is even one for disabled people. I don't consider myself disabled, but definitely have issues.  When I looked at the profiles there, there were some amazing, courageous men who sounded wonderful. Then I looked at the women. Young, thin, absolutely beautiful. If they can't get a date, what the hell chances do I have? If these amazing men have a choice between these lovely creatures and me... just a creature... I don't stand a chance.

All this has left me unsettled and frustrated and a bit depressed.  They say there is someone out there for everyone. I think my someone is a platypus.