Again, i’ve fallen off the wagon.

Both in keeping this updated and being a positive example of fabulousness! Life is a journey and I NEED to enjoy the scenery, instead of  just enduring the smelly bus ride! Right now it’s pretty low. I’ve been lower. Jan 28 - May 27, 2011 comes to mind. But the fact that i’m out of Rheumatoid Disease medication that I can’t afford and am losing mobility because of it, have $415 in car repairs to bring my car close to safe and a $340 phone bill I need to pay within 2 weeks… has got me down. 

But I am desperately trying to find the positives.. The wonder.. The joys that make this journey mean something significant. 

Wow, that was deep. I’ll blame the rum. HEY! Rum is a good thing!! I can be happy about rum!  I spilled mandarin orange essential oil.. and now I smell lovely.. that’s another! Yay!! I am doing it!  I’m being positive! I didn't stab anyone!! Hey, I’m on a roll! I’m employed!.. wait.. that is a double edged sword. I make barely enough to make ends meet.. but i do make more than nothing.. and the hours are long.. averaging 12 hours a day.. but I get weekends off..so I’ll consider that one an even scale! 

Should I take up meditating? yoga? (yikes, not until I get more meds), tantric sex (It's not so tantric when I'm alone!) serial killing? - Nah,  I’m not neat enough to hide the evidence, and I don’t truly hate anyone enough for that hobby to last more than a week or three (maybe four). I think I just need to start small. Like the story, “The Magic Geranium” (google it) It’s a story I read as a youngster that has always stuck with me.. well that, and “My name is Simon and I am a Duck” but that one doesn't have the same positive effect, and my knees hurt from waddling around whilst quacking.

My journey may have more hills than make me comfortable, and I feel like I spend most of my time stranded on the side of the road…  but it’s MY journey to do with what I will.  Right now I want to love myself (hard for me to do), I want to be proud of my body (NOW, not after I lose weight, cut my hair, etc). I want to be content with my journey, and be able to sight see and dance.
One step at a time